Adultery marriage - When adultery occurs in a marriage, often the affair partner is the one who receives the most anger, not the adulterous spouse.

When a person discovers the marital partner has been having an affair, the cheating spouse is often surprised to find that the greatest volume of anger is not directed towards them, the cheater, but towards the affair partner, the one with whom they were having the affair.

This is a natural reaction for the marital spouse. It s easier to attribute the horrible motivations behind the affair to that person outside of the marriage. The affair partner doesn t have any morals. The affair partner is the home wrecker. There is a little comfort to be obtained by assigned those terrible personality traits to the affair person.

In order for this marriage to survive the infidelity and move forward, both people need to come to terms with their feelings towards the affair partner.

The cheater may still idealize the affair partner as the perfect person, an angel who can save the cheater from the unhappiness of a broken marriage. Cheaters cling to the illusion that the affair partner would be willing to continue the relationship after the breakup of the marriage. In fact, only 10% of affair partners remain with the cheater after breaking up the marriage.

On the betrayed spouse s side, it is so easy to extend all the anger, frustration and hatred towards the outside figure of the affair partner. My spouse did nothing wrong, that home wrecker caused this all! Continuing with this kind of disillusion ignores the fact that there was trouble in the marriage in the first place that made the cheater vulnerable and open to straying.

Both marital partners need to give a thorough and honest assessment of the conditions in the marriage prior to the adultery, in order to be able to survive it. Empathy, responsibility, and understanding each other are key to the task.