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When Your Wife Commits Adultery: How to React

It might have come out of the blue, or maybe you've been suspicious for a while now. But if you're sure that your wife truly has committed adultery, the shock, pain, and anger that you feel might be making it hard to know how to react.

There are two things you must not do in reaction to your wife's adultery. You must not become violent, and you must not start an affair of your own in retaliation. Those are natural reactions to this kind of betrayal, but they may create problems that your marriage can never recover from. With one partner being unfaithful, you have enough problems; you don't need to add more.

It's also not advisable to make major decisions at this time. You'll struggle with overwhelming emotion during the days after you discover your wife's adultery; your head is simply not in the right place to make life-altering decisions.

Of course, you will have to confront your wife with what you know. That will be one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have; make sure the children are being cared for and that you have several hours of uninterrupted time in which to talk.

After you and your wife have talked, you may or may not come to any conclusions about the fate of your marriage. It might be a good idea to leave for a few days so that both of you can think things through. However, you should make sure that you only leave for a few days; because if your marriage ends, you could be accused of abandonment if you leave the home.

A marriage can be saved after one of the partners commits adultery, but only after both partners have had a chance to process the intense emotions they feel. A good marriage counselor can help with that process.