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Coping With Adultery
Adultery is one of the most damaging things that can happen, not just to a marriage, but to the victim—the one whose spouse cheated. Marriages can heal from adultery, but that takes time; in the meantime, you still have to cope, to get through from day to day.
You can do it, but it will be a struggle. Sometimes the struggle will be just to allow yourself to feel good, when feeling miserable seems so much more natural. Here are some tips for coping with adultery.
- Get it out in the open. Some husbands or wives let adultery go on even after they've learned about it because they don't know how to confront their wayward spouse. But denial traps you in a time warp; there's no going forward—either alone or together—if you don't admit there's a problem.
- Get counseling for yourself. You will need couple's counseling, of course, but you yourself also need someone to help you get a handle on your own emotions. For the person whose spouse has been unfaithful, feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, self-loathing, unattractiveness, depression, anger, bitterness, and insecurity often result. Nobody can handle that heavy mix of emotions without a helping hand.
- Affirm yourself daily. Look in the mirror. Repeat these words out loud: I am attractive. I am worthwhile. I am not the one who made this choice. It might feel silly at first, but you need someone to look you in the eye and make you believe that while it takes two to get a marriage into troubled waters, your spouse, not you, is the one who made this destructive choice.
You can cope with adultery, but you have to keep yourself strong in order to do the hard work it will take. Take care of your emotional health now; you have a long road ahead of you.