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Forgiving Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce, and two-thirds of all marriages that suffer from infidelity end in divorce. However, one-third do not. Somehow these marriages can be healed, forgiveness granted, and the couple can move into the future together. How do these couples manage to overcome this terrible wound to a marriage? If you are the person in the position to offer forgiveness—the one cheated upon—there are a few things to keep in mind.
- Forgiveness does not happen over night. Even if you are committed to saving your marriage, anger, grief, bitterness, hurt, insecurity and resentment will run deep for a long time. Don't expect them to go away, and don't be too surprised when those things rear their heads in unexpected ways. Forgiveness is a long process.
- Seek professional help. Your relationship is a mess right now, and with all the guilt and hurt, it's likely that neither of you are seeing things clearly enough to start rebuilding trust. A third party can help you get the perspective you need. It's also a very good idea for both husband and wife to pursue individual counseling, to help you each get a handle on the emotions and behavior patterns that have been revealed by your current situation.
- Accentuate the positive. It's easy to be hyper-vigilant for suspicious behavior in a spouse who has cheated. As natural as that is, you have to balance it with reminders to both yourself and your spouse of what's right between the two of you. Begin with the discipline of a daily compliment. Just say something nice to your spouse once a day. "Your hair looks nice," or "I always enjoy your cooking." Just be sure you really mean it.