Forgiving infidelity might be the most crucial step in the marriage-saving process.

Infidelity can be the most devastating event in a marriage. Sometimes, people believe they can just forgive and forget, but this isn t always the case. An affair injures the heart and betrays the soul. Forgiving it easily can be the hardest thing the cheated-on spouse will ever have to do.

If you are the cheated-on spouse, you need to be honest and realistic with yourself. Forgiving infidelity isn t merely a matter of saying "I forgive you" and moving on. You deserve the time to deal with the hurt and anger. Don t push those emotions aside in a misguided effort to quickly move on by superficially forgiving infidelity.

The time will come, sooner than you realize, when your heart has stopped grieving, and you re ready to consider the next step. If you are ready to rebuild your marriage, then now is the time to recognize that you can never erase the affair. Coming to terms with the adultery doesn t mean wiping the slate clean. But it does mean that you can put the past, something that can t be changed, into its proper place.

Before you can start the process, you need to examine the affair one more time. This may be painful, but keep in mind that it will help you heal and progress. Examine the adulterous affair and consider why your spouse did it. You ll probably need to consider a very painful question:

What was the other person giving your spouse that you weren t?

Once you figure out what that was, you need to determine how you can fulfill your spouse s need.

Yes, you are empowered now. It may not seem fair, but if you are serious about rebuilding your marriage, you ve got to be the one do it.

Be brutal and honest with yourself with this appraisal. Examine the affair as closely as possible. Examine your own contribution to it. Doing this allows you to be well on the way towards forgiving infidelity. Then, you can wrap it up and put it away. It belongs in the past, something you can t change. However, you can change the future, and prevent adultery from reappearing in your marriage.