topics
Infidelity Marriage
Many husbands and wives, on finding out that their partner has been unfaithful, later sat that it's not the fact that their partner had sex with someone else that really upsets them. Rather, it's the breach of trust. Trust is a key element in any marriage, one that is often irreparably damaged by infidelity. Infidelity has other serious effects on marriages as well.
- Power imbalance. The partner who confesses to adultery has lost all power in the relationship. The wrong done is so enormous that the victim—the faithful spouse—holds all the emotional cards. That person can forgive, or they can make the cheater pay. They can give affection when it suits them, and withhold it when it doesn't, and the offender can't say anything, because they know they deserve the ill treatment. But for a marriage to succeed after an affair, the power balance has to be reset, and to start at a healthy 50/50. That's difficult, because the deceived partner may wish to cling to the little power he or she has in the situation.
- Low self-esteem. This is true of both the offender and the victim. The faithful partner may immediately begin to question himself or herself: "What did I do wrong? If I were prettier, handsomer, more successful, thinner..." The offender may think, "How could I do this to my family? What kind of terrible person am I?" It takes extensive work and counseling for either partner to restore a healthy sense of self-worth.
- Divorce. Sadly, 2/3 of all marriages in which infidelity is discovered end in divorce. Some marriages can heal from it, but most can't.