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Surviving Infidelity

Few things can match the pain of finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful to you. Marriage counselor Michele Weiner-Davis, writing on Sideroad.com, says that for some people, it's the "lowest, darkest moment of their entire lives." The pain and betrayal are so bad that many people contemplate ending their marriage. But most marriages can recover from infidelity. It's not easy, and it takes a lot of time and work, but many couples are able to survive infidelity.

First of all, the one being unfaithful must end the affair immediately. There is no hope of surviving the infidelity if the infidelity continues.

Once the infidelity is in the past, not the present, then both partners must commit to saving the marriage.

For the one cheated on, that's going to mean finding ways to deal with emotions that won't always seem in your control. Anger, grief, betrayal, and insecurity will come up in ways and at times that you don't expect. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to receive individual counseling to get help finding ways to cope with these overwhelming feelings.

For the one who had the affair, that's going to mean doing whatever it takes to win your spouse's trust back. That's going to take time; you've already proven that you are, in fact, not trustworthy. Start by keeping your promises in small things—if you say you're going to work, make sure you're at work if your husband or wife calls.

These are small steps, and they are only a beginning. Every couple is different, but every couple needs trust and coping skills. These steps will get you on the path to surviving infidelity.