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How to Agree on a Marriage Counselor
Choosing a counselor shouldn't be another reason to argue. Before opening up the phone book, sit down with your partner and consider your answers to the following questions.
- How important is education? Do you as a couple want a counselor who is licensed and educated? Or do you feel your problems could be better addressed in a mentoring relationship, someone who has 'been there, done that?'
- How much can you pay? Decide beforehand how much you can reasonably spend on a counselor. Some counselors charge by the hour; others (the clergy, for example) often don't charge at all. Remember too that some insurance plans cover marriage counseling.
- Do you have spiritual concerns? Remember that different religions conceive of marriage in different ways. If you're Hindu or Christian, then a counselor from your own tradition will bring things to the sessions that a non-religious counselor might not.
- Who will you be most comfortable with? Some men will not open up in front of a female counselor; some will. Consider the types of people who get the best from you and the types that shut you up.
For counseling to be effective, both partners should feel comfortable and open, not defensive and vulnerable. Discussing your answers to these questions will help you decide on the type of counselor you want.