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Need Help Saving Your Marriage? Here's What to Do
Marriages get into trouble for many different reasons. It could be a sudden shock, like an affair or the loss of a job, or it could be a gradual drifting away from the regular communication and enjoyment that you had in your early days. Whatever the reason, your marriage can be saved. Here are some things you can do.
- Stop doing destructive things. If you're having an affair, abusing drugs or alcohol, or have a problem with anger, gambling, or pornography, stop doing those things immediately and get help now.
- Get individual counseling. How are you personally, and your underlying issues, contributing to your marriage's unhealthiness? Talk it out with a professional. This is an absolutely necessary step if you are doing any of the above things.
- Get marriage counseling. Many people are reluctant to seek counseling, because they feel that it's a sign that they have failed. But asking for help isn't failing, and a counselor can give you the tools you need to heal both small and large hurts.
- The daily compliment. Say one nice thing to your spouse every day. "Your hair looks pretty," or "Thank you for mowing the lawn," will do fine. When one of you starts being actively good to the other, a lot of goodness will follow.
- Communicate. In addition to the daily compliment, add to your daily routine one request and one sharing. These exercises might feel artificial at first, but once a day, say something like, "It would help me a lot if you could wash the dishes while I bathe the kids," or "It hurt my feelings when you criticized me in front of our friends." Chances are that a lot of this simple communication has gone by the wayside, when it's actually very easy to fix.