topics

• Find a Marriage Counselor
• Marriage Blog
• Articles
• Publish Articles
• Marriage Resources
• List Your Practice
• Link to Us

Stop Divorce: Where to Seek Help

If your marriage is filled with hurt and betrayal, it might seem like divorce is the only option you have.After all, the situation can't go on the way it is. But divorce doesn't have to be the only answer. Even if you're already separated from your spouse or have spoken to a lawyer, you can still stop divorce if you know where to seek help.

• Go to your pastor...or any pastor. If you attend a church or other house of worship, go to your clergy for guidance. If you don't attend any kind of congregation, go to a local pastor, anyway.Most clergy offer their services to anyone, not just members of the congregation. Most clergy also have a rolodex filled with referrals, and can point you toward a counselor who will meet your needs.
• Talk to your lawyer. If you have begun the divorce process, speak to your lawyer about your hope that your marriage can still be saved. Your lawyer will help you take the necessary steps to do that, while still protecting yourself in terms of assets and child custody.
• Begin to build a better marriage. Start now to do the things that should always be present in a good relationship. Do these even if you and your spouse are already living separately. Some of these things that you can begin easily include:
  • Be polite. Spouses often speak to each other in ways you wouldn't speak to total strangers. Just use common courtesy—"please" and "thank you" and "have a nice day."
  • Use I statements.Frame your feelings in terms of you, not your spouse.Saying, "You make me feel..." sounds like blaming, but saying, "When this happens, I feel..." avoids blame and allows your spouse to hear your feelings.

You can stop divorce if you take action now. Help can be found in counseling, in legal advice, and within yourself.You have—or can get—the resources you need to save your marriage.