topics
Stopping an Unwanted Divorce
Once you've had time to get some perspective on your marital problems, you might realize that they are not as unsolvable as they seemed at first. Sometimes a separation from your spouse or the threat of losing them forever can help you determine that you'd rather stop this unwanted divorce.
- You'll have to get a delay in the legal proceedings. The court has no way to know that you've had a change of heart unless you tell them. Your lawyer can help with this.
- Don't let nostalgia make your choices. When you're not in the throes of conflict, it's easy to focus more on the good times, but good memories won't save your marriage.
- The problems are still there. If you don't get help forging new patterns in your relationship, any reconciliation will lead to you falling back into the same patterns as before. And those patterns were bad enough to lead you to the brink of divorce.
- Your spouse can proceed with the divorce even if you express a desire for reconciliation.
- Don't forego legal protection while you're pursuing a reconciliation. Things like property rights and child custody can be lost easily if you lose your grip on them. Don't lose your legal protection until the reconciliation is official and permanent.
- People can change... addicts do get into 12-step programs, cheaters do recommit, and abusers can learn new patterns. It can happen.
- ...but you'll need proof. Don't take your spouse's word for it, and don't expect them to take yours. The addict/cheater/abuser has to prove that they've changed, and there's only one way to do it: live that way for a really long time.